I didn’t mean it

I know I told you to leave and to never call again

I was hurt,angry,lashing out,I needed you,not the lover,you my friend

I said things I knew would hurt you to the core

I wanted you to feel the way I felt and hurt you a little bit more

I know I can’t un-ring the bell that has echoed over us

Is there anyway we can take things back to the way it was

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Never make her cry

Hold her hand

wipe away her tears

but never make her cry

laugh with her

Chase away her fears

but never make her cry

Dance with her

And always be that guy

that makes her laugh,dance,

but never make her cry

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Only for a moment

Only for a moment

allow me the pleasure

to kiss your soft sweet lips

That I may dream of

this joyous feeling

of my moment of pure bliss

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Starting the game with one strike

To start off ,my dad was a manly man. He hunted, fished, worked on his truck, climbed trees, cut down trees, killed alligators, hell he even went wild boar hunting with just a knife. He is a legend where I come from. There were people coming from all over the country wanting to hunt with him. He was so tough and cool and handsome  and so manly that despite being a girl I wanted to be like him.No not the manly part, you know the tough and cool part ,I wanted to be the cool tough little girl he would be proud of.

And for the most part I was. He took me and my sister and brother  hunting sometimes. Sometimes I would go hunting by myself. I could’t wait to show my dad what I had killed for dinner that day. If I went fishing I wanted my dad to see the big fish I caught.

Growing up I always felt the need to prove myself to him,when he was there and when he wasn’t there. I did not know it at the time but somewhere in there I was teaching myself that men expect more of women. Let me explain.

I entered the military at age 18, at the time I was 5’2 barely over 100 pounds. I know some of you reading this might be wondering why am I putting my weight and height in this. Well becasue it is important to the story. I went in military opened general something I now know was  a big mistake. I made it through basic fairly easy, then from there you are told the job you will be training for. I learned I would be training to be a security apprentice which later would be called security forces. The Filthy PIG :) M60 machine gun at @otbfirearms. Pure American Metal. #badass #military #gunporn #beastmode #metalhead

Here’s the thing about that, they had a habit of giving the smallest person the biggest gun(weapon). And if you couldn’t carry that you didn’t belong in that field. So when I got that M60. I did not complain. I carried it like I was suppose to. When I got to my first base and we had field training aka exercise I would be stuck with the M60,  the assault pack,spare barrel,and 500 rounds of ammunition. All this stuff weighed about 50 pounds or more.Now imagine if you can running around carrying about 50 pounds of metal, with a gas mask on when you are only 5’2 a little over 100 pounds.

Of course I did not complain. I did not complain when I would watch when sometimes the flight commander sometimes would assign the M60 to the largest man on the team and all the men on my team would offer to take his spare barrel,  his assault pack, his 500 rounds of ammunition. Because then the men would say that’s to much for him to run with. But if I would have complained I would have been told “that’s why women should not be allowed in this career field.”  Make no mistake I have heard many men say that. The sad part is is that I also would get mad when the other women would ask the other team members to help her carry her load. Because I knew the complaint would come and we as women would be judged by that one woman who asked for help despite the men automatically getting help.

As women I think we a born with a strike against us for not being men. If we ask for help we a are considered weak, and if we can’t do something men can do we are told to stay in our lane. Why is it ok  for men to get help but not women? I know men don’t often ask for help but make no mistake if a man is building something at the sound of  a saw other men come running to help without being asked.

And women why do we look down on other women when they need help. We too should ban together and not have to ask other women to help us,no we should be like the men and run to the sound of heels clicking on the pavement.